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Dear Super Senior:
My boyfriend of two years and I are graduating high school this year and are heading to college in the fall. The problem is I’m going out of state and he’s staying close to home. He’s been talking about a Skype schedule, phone calls, texting, Facebooking, everything. I care about him, but I don’t know if I can do the long-distance thing. Am I being selfish? Should we try it for a while then break up if it doesn’t work out?
Signed, Guilty Girlfriend
You’re not being selfish; you’re being realistic. Long-distance relationships are hard. They require a lot of work and commitment, and they are extra notorious among college students. (The “Turkey Dump” is a thing for a reason.)
Now, not all long-distance relationships are doomed. Research says LDRs can be just as strong—even stronger—than “normal” relationships. And you certainly could give it a try. But by the sounds of it, you’re already not digging the idea, and both people need to be 100% in it to win it for the relationship to last. It will only become more burdensome if you feel like you have to say no to a fun or worthwhile opportunity just because you made plans to check in with your BF. It may even lead to resentment.
LDRs usually only work if there’s an established end point too, which you don’t really have. Who knows how long you’ll both be in school and where it will take you. Someone may want to transfer even further away, study abroad, start a summer internship, or go on to graduate school. All of those experiences will mean not much togetherness. You don’t want to miss out on that stuff either; college is a prime time to meet new people and try new things!
My advice is to trust your gut and break it to him now. Explain that you care about him, but it’s just not fair to keep things going if you can’t give your relationship the time and energy it deserves. He may be hurt, but his life—just like yours—is about to change drastically once fall hits. And as you dive into campus life, you both may find it was the right decision all along.
— S.S. 👊
What do you think of Super Senior’s advice, CollegeXpressers? Did she get it right? Do you have any long-distance relationship tips—or warnings? Share them in the comments!