Jun   2016



12 College Things That Make Me Want to $@%&!*# Swear

Editor-in-Chief, Carnegie Communications

It’s National Cursing Day, y’all. And I've got some fudging things to say.

Not so surprisingly, we don’t use swears on CollegeXpress. It’s an easy way to offend people and lose credibility (even though swearing may also be a sign of higher intelligence—just sayin’). I try not to curse in my everyday speech too. But sometimes, when the moment is right and emotions are high and the moon is in the seventh house, you just need to $@%&!*# swear.

According to this (admittedly, kinda questionable) website, today is National Cursing Day. Of course, I’m not going to actually swear here; I’m pretty sure I’d get fired. Instead, I wrote down some of the things about college that make me want to swear (often out of frustration, but not always). I just used some…erm…creative substitutions.

  1. First, campus sexual assault. I won’t even freaking get into it here, because it’s a far more serious topic than this blog post allows. So I’ll just point you to this
  2. On a lighter note, I’m so bleeping proud of our CollegeXpressers. Applying to, paying for, and doing well in college is hard. But you guys are working your booties off to make your college dreams a reality.
  3. You know what’s grade A malarkey? There are more than 4,000 colleges and universities in the United States, and people only talk about the “top” 50 of them. Who gives a shiatsu about the “best” colleges in the country?! What you do at college—the experiences you have—matter more than where you flippin’ go. It’s about finding the right opportunities for you and making the most of them.
  4. When students say they need to apply to 156 colleges. Shut. The. Front. Door. Don’t apply to more colleges; apply to the best colleges for you after searching good and hard for them. They're out there, promise
  5. Oh em gee—there’s nothing wrong with going to community college or taking up a trade like plumbing or automotive work.
  6. College is so frickin’ expensive. Then I hear those motherfathers put funds toward building fancy welcome centers and astronomical coaching salaries. Worse, students get pressured into taking on too much darn student loan debt. However…
  7. …although tuition has been outpacing inflation a whole fudging lot, financial aid has been keeping up better than people realize. For example, a whopping 89% of students at private colleges get some sort of financial aid—with an average price cut of 54%. That can be cheaper than some freaking state schools!
  8. It’s a gosh-darn myth that only rich students can go to elite colleges. Too many high-achieving students from poor schools think they have no chance of affording, say, Ivy League colleges, so they don’t even apply. That’s not the students’ fault, really. But I want them to know that there’s so much more financial aid out there than they might think. Believe it or not, if you can get into the Dukes and Harvards of the world, you can probably afford to go there because they will freaking meet your financial need.
  9. Those dipstick scam companies for loans, scholarships, and even some online colleges—they really grind my gears.
  10. When students think their safety schools are a throwaway. Cheese and crackers! It doesn’t have to be—and shouldn’t be—this way.  
  11. It’s bull plop that the liberal arts and gen eds get no respect. I totally understand feeling frustrated with gen ed requirements that seem like money grabs from greedy colleges. But when students say they only want to take classes in their intended career, I get effing frustrated too. Because that career might not exist in 20 years. Or 10. Or fewer. College is both about applied learning—how to do a particular job—and foundational learning. You gotta learn how to learn. How to fracking solve problems, think critically, and communicate well. That’s what you get from the liberal arts and gen eds. Besides, what employers really want to see on your résumé is real-world experience, and you get that primarily from internships, extracurricular activities, and other crud like that, not your classes.
  12. What the shitake mushrooms is up with extra-long sheets?! It’s a racket!

Christmas Story soap gif

What college stuff makes you (want to) swear? (Is it gen eds? I bet it’s gen eds.) Let us know in the bleeping comments. And if you're just ready to find the college of your frickin' dreams, start here.

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About Jessica Tomer

Jessica Tomer

Jessica Tomer is the Web Content Manager at New England Law | Boston. You can follow her on Twitter @JessicaTomer

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