Black woman looks anxious on couch, White woman in pjs looks concerned at her

5 Essential Tips to Ease Anxiety Between New Roommates

It's totally reasonable to feel anxious about living with a new college roommate. Here's some advice for getting to know them and getting along.

The beginning of college is the start of many new things: schedules, friends, classes, places. As I spent the summer before college dreaming about what university life would be like, one new thing stood out to me: the roommate. I listened to the roommate horror stories from my family and friends, and my imagination ran wild. What if we didn’t get along? What if she snored like a chainsaw or left trash everywhere? What if she was constantly hosting raging parties in the room? There were so many “what ifs” that it hardly occurred to me that we might get along perfectly fine.

We did, of course. It was easy to forget that she was in the same boat as I was—we were both worried about this new experience. I was so lucky to have been assigned a roommate who had the same level of concern about academics and was amazingly friendly and understanding. Even though we don’t share a room anymore, we’re still friends, and I learned so much from the experience of living with her—and all my roommates. Here’s some advice to get you started on the right foot.

1. Set expectations early

It might feel a little weird to jump right in and set ground rules with someone you just met, but it makes life easier for both of you in the long run. Being upfront about your preferences and expectations from the start prevents you from having to deal with a roomie who didn’t know that you were not okay with her hitting the snooze button 17 times in the morning (because you didn’t tell her that was your biggest pet peeve). It also gives you the peace of mind of knowing that you can take the necessary steps to avoid unintentionally upsetting your roommate in the future. Even though it may feel awkward to have this chat with a near stranger, it’s best to sit down and have a casual “roommate chat” within the first few days of moving in. This helps you both start the year on the right foot, and you’ll never have to worry about that awkward discussion (or your roommate’s snooze button) again.

Related: How to Make Your Own College Roommate Agreement

2. Get to know each other’s schedules

Whether you’re looking for some bonding time with your roommate or some quiet time to study, it’s good to know when your roommate will and won’t be home—and, just as importantly, when they will and won’t be awake. I’ve always found it helpful to have my roommate’s and my schedules hung up in the room, so we both know when to expect each other to be around. It keeps both sides informed and aware and can prepare you for which days you’ll have to tiptoe to get dressed in the dark, as well as which days you should brace yourself for a potentially grumpy roommate who has a full day of exhausting classes. No matter the situation, this is just another easy way to keep communication open between you and your roomie.

3. Be open minded

Unless you and your roommate grew up together and attended the same school, you likely have pretty different backgrounds. From high school size to culture, taste in music to religion, there’s bound to be a huge difference between you two. This can present a potential for conflict or an opportunity to embrace something new. Maybe your roommate will tell you about her favorite TV show, which you fall in love with and binge-watch together on the weekends. Be open to new things, and feel free to share your own life with your roommate too!

Related: 3 Easy Ways to Connect with Your International Roommate

4. Choose your battles

Learning to compromise plays such a huge role in the roommate relationship from the very start when you have to choose who gets which side of the room. It’s so important to keep this in mind when focusing on suggestion #1 because if one roommate gets too nitpicky, the other might feel attacked or walked on. Maybe you get a little annoyed when your roommate hits the snooze button too many times in the morning, but you learn to laugh it off (or roll over and cover your ears with the pillow) so you can focus on addressing more important issues, like telling them it’s not okay to blast Beyoncé when you’re studying for that killer biology midterm. (On most other occasions, it’s okay to sing along with Queen Bey.)

5. Say what you need to say

For me, this is one of the most important lessons I’ve learned in college. I hate feeling like an inconvenience to others, so I’ve always been uncomfortable asking people to go out of their way for me, or telling people that something they’re doing is bothering me. As much as I thought that silencing my wants was a way to keep the peace with my roommates, I quickly learned that it had only negative impacts on the roommate relationship (and is probably a bad habit in general, since it feeds grudges). Now I remember to tell the people around me how I’m feeling and to look out for myself, and this is something I’m still working on!

Related: Living the Sweet Dorm Life: 8 Roommate Communication Tips

I spent the first 18 years of my life having the luxury of my own room, but in the past two years, I’ve shared a dorm room with three separate roommates (plus two suitemates). It has taught me so much not only about the roommates I’ve grown so close with but also about myself and how I can improve myself and my relationships. Roommates can be a daunting concern, but even if you don’t become best friends, you can still make the best of such a unique experience.

Are there other elements of college that are stressing you out? Check out Our Best Advice for Dealing With Stress as a Student to help alleviate some anxiety.  

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About Maggie Petrella

Maggie Petrella is a junior studying Applied Math and Economics at the University at Buffalo in beautiful Upstate New York. Although she’s not exactly sure what she wants to do with her degree, she’s happy to be pursuing her geeky passion for numbers and spreadsheets. She loves corny puns, chocolate, and impromptu dance parties with her roommates. In her free time, Maggie can be found running, knitting, or spending time with her three little siblings.

 

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